*My World, My Thought, My Feelings*
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Thursday, May 5, 2011
3rd person>
after 4 years, a new one appear in my life. these 4 years, i told myself that don't do silly thing. it will just waste my time, just see ur friends, get hurt easily and this may influence my studies. but, when this kind of thing come, u urself also can't control it. if i'm not mistaken, i saw him during state comp, by that time, he slightly attracted my attention. SLIGHTLY. he sat near me during closing ceremony, i could see him easily. or peep? did he see me peeping? MY GOD!here comes... i really didn't notice that he had aboard the bus. maybe i was studying that time. i really got surprised when i saw him during our breakfast. that time, i started to notice him. he hung a sling bag. for boys, he consider short, BUT STILL TALLER THAN ME!!!! he doesn't has thick eyebrown which i always hope that my future boyfriend do has. YET, HE ATTRACTED ME!every moment we were in the same place, i will automatically notice him, i just couldn't control myself. hope that it would not too obvious. during the malam suai kenal, we were that near. but, no chance to be closer, i was embarrassed. the 3rd day night, we were even closer. i was not purposely. we went to toilet together. he saw me tidying my hair. as a gentleman, let me use the sink 1st. but was actually he dislike AMC girls only let me or he really that gentleman? i hoped that he was really a gentleman. i was 'pai seh' being not using the sink but standing there tidying my hair. finally, i spoke to him!!! just i spoke, he didn't reply. i excused myself, let him use. i stood beside him, drying my hands. we were really that in a stone throw distance. perhaps, shorter than that. last day, once again, i got the chance to stand beside him for JUST 3 MINUTES. but is was enough. final moment, boys had to get down to the bus, i said bye to him, of course EVERYONE! he smiled and replied. by now, his smile, his sleeping look, his eating look, not smiling yet no cool etc. are still inside my mind, i just can't control but recalling again and again. i used my effort to search for him- FB, his name, ser name, chinese name, his age, his favourite etc... and RELATIONSHIP STATUS! he is still single... what am i suppose to do? i have fallen in love to him!!! but this year is my SPM year, i have to focus on my studies... he is the 3rd guy causing me has this feeling again. if i'm not wrong, he is even better than the previous 2! i'm just saying IF and i hope so.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
她们跟她们>
不知道为什么，就是很突然，要post 这想法。。。
我时常都在想，st.john对我来说，有没有什么归属感呢？今天是SPM放榜的日子，看到senoirs们全都穿着camp t来拿成绩，我就在想，明年的我会不会和她们一起这样穿呢？我不知道。。。拿了成绩后，我会不不会和她们一起出去逛街呢？我也不知道。。。
以前的我曾经认为她们是我最好的朋友，但自从那间事发生后，我否定了。因为她们，我哭了至少有3次，不是只是流眼泪而已。而是几乎每一次都是哽咽的。就是那一次的心痛令我觉悟，对待朋友（应该是好朋友才对）是这样的。我答应过自己，我不会再为了她们而哭。
因为她们，令我觉得根本没有 ‘友谊永固’ 这4个字. 虽然后来是 T 给了我这4个字的信心，但是另两个人证明了这4个字的存在。
4年的友情也不比1年的友情深，当然，另一个已是第五年的友情，（不准啦）。。。哈哈。虽然跟他们也曾经发生过不开心的事情，两次哦。。。但是这些事情令我更珍惜她们。不知怎么的，跟她们虽然时常吵吵闹闹的，跟她们在一起，有时候真的还开心过跟她们。可能是我跟她们俩的性格比较像吧。还是我们长时间都在一起？
现在的我，可能还是跟他们‘是一gang'，但我却没有她们的那种归属感。总是觉得跟她们的性格很不像，而且总是觉得她们真的没有另两个那么了解我。她们曾经给我的刀，虽然拔掉了，表面上虽然痊愈了，但实际上，我心里面还有一道很深很深的疤痕。和她们依然是好朋友，但如果跟另外她们来比较，她们俩不就是我的超级死党？！哈哈。。。
Saturday, February 5, 2011
CNY 2011 bunny year...>
well, holidays for chinese new year is almost gone. soon, i have to back to school again. what had happened in this few days?the day before cny:had a reunion dinner with my family. this year, we added 1 more person- my sister in law, ling. quite happy that moment. i drunk wine. well, the wine tasted nice, got fruit flavour. i drunk all that left in the bottle. guess what happen then? i felt very sleepy while eating. my face turned flushed. my 2 brothers and sis ling bullied me, they said i had drunk. was i really get drunk? i dunno. maybe is just sleepy... that night, a person said i'm stupid and silly. well, sometime, i really felt that i'm really silly. MOST SILLY IN THE WORLD by J is really quite suit me. but i just can't stop myself to think of something bukan bukan. and when i rethink back, i really feel that... I'M SILLY. her message is still in my phone, i haven't deleted it yet. every night before i sleep, i will automatically think back what she 'scolded' me. and i'm really touch when reading her message till NOW. i nearly cried out when read that message for the 1st time. it really touched me lot. i had never think that that message will be appeared. thank god for letting me to meet this BEST FRIEND. how about the another? well, i knew that she surely will asked me the incident. she cares me much. 4 years best friend, and this is the 5th year... how god loves me for giving me these 2 good buddies. a new hope from me: nothing will change our friendship!!! can it be true? after 6 months, i REbelieve about it again. 1st day of cny: hey, is my birthday!!! my chinese birthday!!! well, i got a lot of DOUBLE ang paw this year. my parents, dad's sis, mum's sisters... an addition starting from this year, my bro ryan's. what made me felt really 'pai seh' while receiving the ang paw is, PL's aunt and my BRO CHARLES GAVE ME ANGPAW. especially from him. he is not married yet and i know that he is poor. but he still gave me a birthday ang paw this year, the only this year. well, i'm pai seh and touch. the amount is not small also. really very very pai seh. THX SO MUCH BRO... i know u love me very much and me too!!!!2nd day of cny:this year no more going to kampar. we just stay in ipoh, watching tv. i think is maybe because of last year we can't have any visiting due to grandpa's death and causes us felt lazy to go this year. this was the 1st time i met someone forgot to give ang paw until we step out from his gate only he remembered. fine, we eaten a lot of cakes, including tiramisu!!! 1st time i ate leh... wakaka... long time didn't see bro chong... so happy to see him back from singapore. my eldest cousin from dad's side. so sorry that can't make it for his wedding due to competition... so sad!!!!3rd day of cny:didn't go to anywhere for visiting. just have a trip to gunung lang and went to have a lunch at bagan semak. don't being cheat by the 'cover' of gunung lang. it's really memalukan!!! there were male's 'urinary toilet' in female's toilet!!!! CAN U IMAGINE???omg!!! but dad did a very hilarious thing. the man on the boat asked him to wear on the jacket. but he put under his buttocks. the funniest part reached: the man said: itu jacket adalah untuk pakai, bukannya untuk letak di bawah punggung!!! dad is embarrassed... how about the lunch?? well, i swear that i will never go there anymore... i ate with FLIES!!! ish!!! disgusting and irritating!!!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
fair>
just know that act my bro also don't have new clothes.... hahaha.... BRO, NO NEW CLOTHES WON'T DIE!!! WE WEAR OLDS TOGETHER!!!! HAPPY FAMILY!!!
Disappointment - Relieve>
on wednesday, i dated 2 of my best friends out to parade as i haven't buy clothes. i dunno they really know that i have no time to go out as everyday i also have training till noon. how i wish that they really know. but, they didn't promise me yet. nvm. on friday, i asked again whether they free or not. J say dunno, ask me to text her on sun. Y say other ppl JUST NOW ask her to go jusco. on sunday, i texted J, she only tell me that other ppl dated her and she will go with them. i'm quite not happy at that time, but i still fine. night, i texted Y, she didn't reply me. so i know that she won't go also. ok, these are all fine.
but that night, i saw J uploaded photos she went out that day (monday). rupa rupanya, she went out with Y and other friends. they all go sing k. from their photos, they are really damp happy. how i hope i can go out also, i'm very emotional conflict that day. train till mad, the man ordered and said something i really not syok. quarrel with T... how i hope they can cheer me up. well, they are the 1 who made me more sad.
what i'm angry and disappoint is, i date them 1st and they know that if today i don't go, i just have to wear old clothes during cny... but they prefer to go with their friends that date them later than me. yday i like jk gam scold J, and she just say ask me to find other ppl and say sorry. SORRY IS NOT BIGGER THAN LORRY.
i really very disappointed. i hate people not keeping their promises. J kept on asking me what happen. she even sms me and ask is it she made me angry. i dunno how to reply her. or i say: yes, both of u really hurt me like that??? or say nothing la... i can't lie on myself...she see i ignore her, she yao post on her wall... that moment i really have no feeling on her post. everything recall back my sad memories... huh... but, i become tougher, no tears rolling down, just appear in my eyes. should i be proud of this?act, the main purpose is i wanna to have a hang out with them before cny as i think i will have no more chances to hang out with them since i will have NO MORE HOLIDAY due to competition. i never hang out with BOTH OF THEM TOGETHER. but i know that, act i'm wrong. N is right. i shouldn't ask them to accompany me to buy clothes. my way is really not right. i should tell them that i want to hang out. they have not promise me anything, they still have the rights to choose to go with those who dated them later than me. honestly speaking, i feel nothing now. but, i really dunno how to tell them the truth. if 1 day they know this, i hope that nothing will be change because of this.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
一个人>
那么多个月了，我还是回来了。刚刚才发现，我此总还是一个人。
6月发生的事情，我到现在还是历历在目，别人可能认为我太执着，那是因为我真的很在乎。为什么酱多年的友情可以因为一些不满而反目呢？为什么要在我面前伪装呢？不满的，为什么不能说出口呢？好朋友不是应该以真心对待吗？6月之前，我还以为我们真的可以做一辈子的好朋友，可是现在，‘友谊永固’这4个字对我来说，真的很陌生。我的真心对待，换来了什么？或许现在的我们看起来还是很好，但实际上，我已经对你们失去信心了。近来，你们对我的关心的确感动了我，让我真的感觉到你们任然是关心我的，但每当我一想起那件事时，心里面那条刺还是埋藏在我心里。我有尝试把它拔掉，可是真的怎样拔也拔不下。。。过了这么久了，看见你们在一边开心地玩笑，不知为什么，我已没有感觉了，也许说我已经心淡了。好事还是坏事？连我自己都不知道，有好有坏吧。。。
现在的我，有两个很要好的好朋友，什么东西都可以成为我们的话题，但是在我心里还是觉得很不安。也许是曾经被伤害过，所以现在我根本无法对这段友谊有过于的信心。可能是我想太多，可是我就是无法控制自己。我，是不是很傻呢？都已经把心里的大秘密告诉你们了，我还是那么的没有信心。我很高兴当你们无聊时会自动找我聊天，所以无论我再忙，我也不会不理你们。但每当你们不恢复我的短讯时，老实说，我真的会很不安，我不知道你们会不会不理睬我，抛下我。。。对不起。。。
再过不久就放假了，我们就很少机会可以见面了，谈天的机会也一定少很多很多了。当我们见面时，又可以好像现在这样吗？我很怕，打从心里怕起来。
无助的我，有谁在我旁边呢？我还是一个人。。。
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Crazy Friend>
recently quite crazy... bcoz of.... u!!!! TSK.... SK mei... u make me vy crazy la.....
i rmb wat u say... 两个'废‘的人在一起’废‘时，就可以’废‘上天。。。。
lol.... ur phrase reali laugh die me la....
i agree wif u.... it's reali vy vy vy difficult 2 find sb tat is so same characteristic wif u....
so i vy hapi i noe u.. hahaha.....coz i reali cnt 5 sb tat is so '废', crazy n cn laugh out loud lk me... ur laughter cn fight wif me u noe?? hahaha..... reali crazy.....
do share all ur '废' thgs 2 me pls!!! hahaha......
i rmb our theme song: lady gag-bad romance.....
a vy good memories 4 me....